slowly now...

time to wote.

2011-05-07T22:49:00.003+08:00

Success is just a matter of attitude.

something that Siglapians would find familiar with. Everyday I would make my way to school, the same route, just five minutes before the bell would ring. Go thru the gate, and join my prefect friends to do duty for latecomers (ironically). That would be the routine. my very own routine. I would sometimes try my luck in walking with eyes closed even. haha but that, i'm sure u wont really believe me. I was close at achieving home... but the corners were quite sharp and the corridors were quite narrow.

well, i sort of miss it. even with its ever notorious nature. Siglap has its way to get to u. or me. heh

Walking into the porch just now, i met a few familiar faces. Tauhid, who was one of whom i went for that india trip with, was duty as a police officer. haha. It was polling day today and rightly so, i was going to go back to my alma mater. walking in was quite funny. with pictures-posters of students posing, it was as though they were taken from facebook. only diff was, they were focused on the Siglap crest. heh
walked pass the general office. apparently the HOD room turned into the staff room. the staircase to level two was marked out by red and white tape. to guide voters into the canteen. so I went in did the thing, and went off on my way.
Walking out, i had a good look on the parade square. it was remarkably small i dunno why. maybe i'm all grown up? haha i dunno.

should have brought my camera though. would have snapped up some shots. just for memory's sake...

All I can say is, i wouldnt be here, where I am, after what ive been through, without being a siglapian. good or bad, i still cannot say. but alhamdulilah, i'm still here. surrounded by some very good friends.

well, hey, btw. its been some long months eyh.

peace be uponz u.
be safe.

va-va-voom?

2010-12-13T04:59:00.003+08:00

it is now five in the morning. my thoughts linger about almost as much as the kindred spirits of the forgotten. one thing i learn from my past entriies is that if i an not sure of what i want to jot down, i shouldn't. so i shall stop here.

for now i think this deserves some documentation. for i am eternally grateful.

that in a few hours time, insya'allah, i wil embark on a journey. to find reason. explore my limits. discover myself even.

take care, and good bye.

and yes, peace be upon u. forever always.

who are you?...

2010-11-20T00:20:00.001+08:00

and then if log in just to see if you reply... how?

haha i have to login anyways ryt? so hmm

keep cool. ready. steady. let's go.

2010-11-14T20:03:00.002+08:00

the question still rings in my mind... what do you do? what do u do when that comfort barrier inside of u is being questioned? would it be strong enough to block it out or do u force it to take whatever that's coming in ur stride as u face it head on; would your wall be able to absorb the impact?

walking down memory lane is never easy. your senses somehow activate and go on alert. well maybe sometimes they go over the top as your feelings and thoughts somehow intertwine and at that very moment you just cant do anything except but let it in and walk. and breathe. dont forget to breathe.

after you've met someone then what? my mind has this app programmed ryt in the roots, where a pop-up would flash saying: chill bro, chill. whenever i think too much or feel too much for that matter. and i would shiok sendiri. heh

yest safiyyah called me, it was late. of course it was sufiya's idea... but the lil one was the one on the phone. asking what time i was gna come home, with that voice of hers. haha is so hard to describe the phone call here, cos i think it would sound wrong if applied differently. i always forget to show her (even though she's still small and she might not get it) that i love her. cos she's growing up faster every week and i'm missing it.

hello hello hello!

2010-11-09T06:23:00.002+08:00

Good morning world. Here's a comback from nowhere to rid off all the cobwebs of the almost yesteryears of my blog! been far too long la, ryt? so to all that do read this online diary of mine, thank you very much for your support. haha ish!.. *waves hand down*
Ive not been at heart to be able to input anything as of late, but ive been fine, sometimes just fine. thats not good ryt? yes, i'm still serving ze nation. in green. at the other side of singapore.
how are YOU? hmmmm

the topic for this entry would be nostalgia. or is it?.. heh lately ive been sort of feeling it as things have been happenning and i cant help but read the omens, if u catch my drift. cos one thing really jus leads to another if u just sit down and notice.

I'm almost finishing Alchemist. it really amazes me how the boy can just tell Fatima that he loves her from the very first time they met eyes with each other. and the mere 15 mins they meet each other at the well of the oasis just seems enough for her to love him back as he goes on persuit for his personal legend and ultimately the treasure.

on the 7th of Nov, my honda stream (not mine) did the same thing again. we were on the way back to watch adib's match after a weekend at JB. the ember engine sign lit up, blinking and suddenly i couldnt accelerate. we were just through the malaysian customs. haha. alhamdulillah somehow we managed to squeeze it pass the courseway and pass through our own customs. so i had to wait for the tow truck to come as my mum made shuttles witht he audi to bring my family over to chua chu kang sports hall for the birthday boy's match.
i think i'll leave the more juicy part of this story for another entry. if not it'll be rushing, and it wont be very nice. ;]

have to go for ability group run in 15 mins! heh

have a nice day people!

looking back

2010-06-27T11:36:00.003+08:00

hello there.. its been months i dont think its working out. ive been hesitating and you've not really played your part. sometime i think its always just been u and me. o, blogger... i really need to do something about this if i wanna carry on.
sedih kan, that i have to this to entertain myself. haha i'm at home. met the guys after evening bookout yesterday. Mr. Jake's going CQC babe.. tho i was the root cause of the bowling session cancellation suggested by seef. another time man. we'll show them who's boss. my fam almost managed a clean sweep of the bowling comp that took place at orchid country club during the RRG Retreat. now, let me savour it, on a cooling sunday morning... i'm proud to be at home. ;) but that will last only for a few more hours. cos today, yes, today is book-in day. nuff said.
i'm thinking of moving. somewhere. u'll find out. when i have time i mean. i do have time now. but i guess not for this?
this is syafi salim, peace out.

pardon me love

2010-05-31T23:13:00.002+08:00

why do i keep doing this. is it worth it? cos friends is one thing i cant really boast about having. and so i keep losing, a friend at a time. all due to plain, unfogivable impulse.
so long, and take care... for i do not take any pleasure for the actions which i have taken and will continue taking. for ure sake.
peace be upon u. always.

that dimple of urs..

2010-05-23T18:27:00.003+08:00

hey... i'm gna book in (probably for the last time) to Pasir Laba Camp in a few hours time. it really has been a ride, right from day one. and in 4 days... the chevrons... on my chest. but i dont think too much about the rank, tho its quite rewarding for the things we've been thru in and out of the field. so i'll be a sergeant. chey! heh takde pape la... i'm supposed to be able to lead a group of 6 men and live thru the rest of my ns life with them. now, that, i'm sort of looking forward to. they say many go thru a 'change' once the rank is there... i don't noe about me, but i cant imagine it right now... on the ground, punishing men. can YOU imagine? haha buuut one thing i can tell u is that u cannot be too sure.
they call me The Knoll. a hill feature. so let's just see what's on hold for me in the next few weeks.
and yea, in case u dint noe... i'm missing thailand. and already, the peeps in my section. just four more days. and it will be over. this chapter that is.

peacebeupon u.

AWAY..

2010-04-22T23:44:00.003+08:00

hello. i've been good. you know that ive never been good at keeping up with and updating with my itenary..
looking back, only thailand is stopping me from the three chevrons.. but thats not what i want. not that its not a bonus. but it jus feels so surreal. because time plays with us- acting as the enemy almost all the time and suddenly leaves us behind to bite its dust.

and in a lil bit more than 24hrs from now i'll be off.. taking flight no. TG8151 to a local airport abt 24km away from bangkok. Ex. CRESCENDO is what its called. 3 weeks, of not booking out. haha that, i will most certainly have to get used to.

on a much lighter note, i finally got to lie down with safiyyah today.. it was dampened tho by what happened a few hrs after she fell asleep finishing her pediasure milk without any diapers on. so yea... jus imagine what happened.
She can spell her name! haha *with a very sure expression* she would say- SA-FI-YY-AH. she always gets mixed up with her 'I's and 'Y's..

till next time. please take care of singapore for me? haha crap. so long, and good night...so loong and good nighyt....

my not so many days out

2010-04-05T17:22:00.005+08:00

meet the guys.. random jus outside heeren.

makoy, jake and fadhuli

imran and mr arvind mahendran

haha

my girl. well, one of em la..

at BT

the march babies

jus before sending ya to india

hello there!... this past month has indeed been a very eventful one... and i cant help but to smile at the obstacles which i have overcome thus far. among those obstacles, i have gotten myself a badge.- the combat skillz badge, CSB for short. to obtain this badge u have to meet certain criteriae and complete some tasks which include; navigation at lower mandai (I HAVE A SENSE OF DIRECTION OKAE!), a 10Km run in under an hr, a silver in IPPT and finally completing a 32km (the dist from home to camp!) routemarch (inc river crossing) in under 6 hrs. i understand that you may not understand fully the terms that i have jus said. but noe that i'm proud of myself? haha

on another note, yesterday was a day which i wont forget anytime soon. after a whole day out doing PLatoon deliberate attack/live firing the day before, we were allowed to book out at 0600.. when it rained. imagine, we finished everything at 0330. if you know me, u'd noe that i wouldn't sleep! haha confirm cannot wake up. so i didnt. so i leave it to you la to imagine what i did for the 2 hrs plus.. at 6 i got ready, feeling hesitant whether to book out (can u imagine?) and ive said the word 3 times already.
so i took the train to dhoby ghaut to meet my mum. and we ate at macs... after sending my bro to fort canning we went home. as expected the bed found me as soon as i walked thru my house door. what time did i wake up u ask, haha, 4pm!... and before my day got wasted i played ping pong... the greatest rivalry that ever existed. and i met the guys(imran, nadzir, mahendran, mark and jake) at mustafa.. to eat BRIYANI..
randomly after that we went to orchard to meet rahmat and the other guys( syahmi, kavee, nas and their friend jeevan) and for a moment we almost had a full infantry section with spares. UNFORTUNATELY because i bought some food for zhe family i had to leave the gang as they planned exLan at paradis or something like that to play lan.. i couldn't come back. if u know me then i dont have to explain why i couldnt come back. my parents, they dont need to be asked.
and so i went home, semi disappointed. but i guess its okay. and i slept the night away, almost peaceful.-because i dint have to book in today, the day after... for tomorrow is when i'll have to return... to my second home. a place where one can never be too happy... where hope can never be maintained for long durations. a place where the flag can so easily be seen.

next up: glandsram, oh tak eh... GRANDSLAM. and ExCrescendo(thailand).

tired la.. haha

2010-02-27T10:09:00.003+08:00

hey!
inconsistency has been a friend of mine in this portal of solitude..
for the record, i'm a soldier in the SAF. it's just been a week since the start of the professional term of the soecialist cadet school. simply put, sispec aslc la. haha
sometimes i get stumped to trying to explain myself and the world that i live in with my loved ones...cos of the look on their faces? haha priceless. so i hav to keep it simple.
I have to admit, i've been prone to be easily contented with the simple things in life (in camp) as inspired by Columbus, Wichita (ehem!), Tallahasse and little rock in zombieland.

yesterday i found myself really excited and almost jumping like a small lil boy as i witnessed the ignition-explosion of the M18A1 Claymore Mine and the Land flame mine- which was like super huge i cant find any words to describe.

i'll have to find a grip around my thoughts and sometimes my feelings.. as i think a part of me drifts away from my bod in a way that leaves me stoning.. u get what i mean?

discovering yourself

2010-01-30T01:53:00.002+08:00

something that's been in my mind lately. something that someone said.

"how would you feel...?
you have a son. u have a family. u work day in, day out... just to earn that bowl of rice that your spread on ure living room table. you come home. tired. eager to see, hear, touch and interact with ur loving wife and young son as u drive the long way back home. . . only to find yourself heart broken, as u enter the door and ask ure son whose watching tv about how his day went.
he said, it was okae."

i never really realised how much i sometimes hurt my own parents.

for forgiveness. for love. for everything.

how to get used to the date/year?

2010-01-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

i havnt got a lot of significantly insightful things to say to describe my 2009. alot has happened tho. alot. and to say that i have learned any form of lesson from all that would be quite an understatement. its as if i dont go thru the things that happened- as though i run away from what that lies in front of me.
cos my heart still pounds, skips a few beats. and stops for that matter. dunno if my bod can take it ;/
from my last moments with TPWolves to joining pasirians and even playing hockey again with SRC, graduating to the ceremony itself, working with farhan at the stall to finishing BMT.

at this moment, restlessness kicks in i do not know why. why am i so concerned, why do i feel as tho im in a fix?

as for resolutions, i will change. i will evolve. to someone. who would feel much much better how the guy whose blurting out these words onto the screen.

have a great yr ahead guys...
and the first of this yr.................. may peacebeupon U. always. no matter what. okay?

the rest of my life starts now.

2009-12-18T01:06:00.003+08:00

ive got abt 3 days left... before i embark on a journey which i will only get to know at 10am tmr. my heart beats without order as i think of the possibilities. its my life im talking about, right?
and here i'm left to think about how uninteresting my almost 2 weeks block leave has been. on the bright side, i got to train...? haha and i get to spend time with my siblings. one highlight- have u heard of JACK-SNAP?! haha one of the most challenging games ive ever played. partly cos i almost never win, but hey my cheeks and stomach never fail to cramp up. heh kecoh giler.. really... tak bedek...
k tomoro. is another day. gna make full use of my time. i guess i have to learn to enjoy the company of those who really without a doubt, love me.... right?

peace eb opun u!

pee oh pee.

2009-12-12T18:27:00.006+08:00

turns out, more peeps could have came.. ;/

for singapore...

the second time alright..

caught.

my section, section 1.

Abah..

Mak...

COUGAR 04/09

i have abit more than a week left. to do whatever i want before going in again. well maybe not whatever i want. but i'm partially missing bunk life with my section mates. however un-cliqued we are sometimes. being the only malay speaking indian muslim, my section has a division- the english speaking and the chinese speaking chinese. both of which are very kecoh at times... we live by our very own motto, our very own essence. always the last to fall in, seemingly the most sloppy of all the sections in my platoon. the best part is, i cant imagine us being any other way.

now, after everything that we've been through together... and our caps've been thrown up in the air (more than once) in joy, i can gleefully say that it's been a worthwhile experience and i feel abit proud of myself having to hold it on my own thus far.

to feel. or just avoid feeling altogether.

2009-11-29T20:46:00.003+08:00

today marked the end of the longest ever break ive experienced since enlisting.. ate alot! due to hari raya haji... and as of tomorro, i have 9 days left. and POP-ed i will be. extremely fast eyh?!
booking in really really soon. (a matter of minutes?) haha
well just thot i'd leave something here.

have a great week ahead people.!.

i'm only a man.

2009-11-14T01:09:00.003+08:00

i wish i can put camo on my heart. so that how ever hard or slow it beats no one would notice(good cover and concealment dok).
i wish i can keep this up. i have to be able to.
i wish everything was easy. it never is.
i wish i have more time. for everything to take place slowly..

i wish i was superman. but even clark kent hurts alot on the inside.

army daze.

2009-10-31T15:10:00.004+08:00

time, has never been on my side. or maybe that's just an excuse i give myself for always rushing to get things done. cos the thing is, i have time.. with my family. however much it is week-in, week-out. today, nabil will come home from sweden. gerek kan, pri 3 gi sweden.

sometimes the mind plays tricks on you, or rather what my platoon sg aka my siglap sec senior always says, mind-f***ing.. when u'r always struggling to spend time thinking to ureself, at tekong especially... things at home, the people living away from u... how what u do affects the people u love, the expectations, the potential disappointments, to striving so hard to be a soldier protecting a country which may never go to war. but really, i think its a good thing. i think. i'll update u when i get back from field camp.

meanwhile, things are good. i never saw myself shouting aloud army songs while in left-left-left-right-left step. haha i feel so deprived ryt now.

really cool shite when everyone's in it together. serious. haha

today i want to watch army daze. now i can reallt compare. heh

malam jumaat

2009-10-01T23:36:00.002+08:00

as today comes to an end, i have about 6 days left as a pre-ns civilian. i quoting abit from brian.. who's going in on the same day, but unfortunately in the (more) wee hours of the morning.

somehow it dawns on me that what i've sort of been looking for is a new mindset, a fresh way of thinking. time travels in warp speed.i feel pressured to change my most stubborn habits. which i cannot do. i think that can wait till i find myself in one of those bunk beds at one of the companies at school 1.

just now, history was made. haha okae2 la, but all 7 of us went out to jalan raya. to our ustaza's place. i'm gna miss ngaji. for it was one of the most constant things every week. and yes, before i start going all nostalgic and mention all the things that im gna miss, i better stop. take tomorrow and the days after slowly, and not be too slow. i think u know what i mean.

have u ever wondered if we could turn on different modes of ourselves... like how those old nokia phones used to have different profiles which we can just activate or personalise...? they probably still have that, but i wouldn't know. cos im pro sony-ericsson now.. haha but 6 days to go only. sad. haha i'm positive that i'll be using nabil's phone. heh well, back on the subject, i think it's possible. but that will turn u into something. very stale and emotionless. i think. and normal social interactions will prove difficult.

no pictures today. sorry beb. i know it's kind of boring without any visuals. but u really have to bare with me... okae? whoever u are. ;)

6 Syawal 1430

2009-09-25T05:54:00.003+08:00

yesterday...

wasted i dint take video.

before word about the non-raya kind of feeling comes around, i think we (or rather I) should realise the fact that it is us who make raya happen, the going out, visiting, the spirit of forgiveness, the spirit of rectification and averything like that. if its fair to say that its all bcos of the exam period, i dont noe. i jus noe that it's getting to me fast... especially with 8 october looming very near.

ive made a list. of things i want to do and i feel need to be done, at least before i go. seems a bit morbid tho.. as tho im never gna return again. i hope i get to go home, at least for abah's birthday.. but i dunno. should be ryt? cos its deepavali weekend. still u never noe. yesterday my uncle wished me "selamat maju jaya" upon hearing the news of my enlistment. i can take it in two lights, one- the more rational one, being that he means well and he wishes me all the best, or two- he also means well, but with what he said, i'll need all the luck i need to embark in that journey of mine to serve the nation. well i guess both wont hurt me too much to accept.

ive got about 13 days...

quite recently i started running again. yesterday was my 2nd time in two days taking out my running shoes, as i fight off the aches which developed in my first run back to fitness, quite a 'magnificent' one i might add. heh cos i got abit excited upon hearing about haseef's run around paris that i just couldn't stop from overestimating myself.

my run took about half an hour. well, i purposely stopped at half an hour. cos there was no way i would be able to continue my run from where i stopped.
i started at home. from the bustop, i went down the long stretch past downtown and turned in to go by prcs, that small winding road which also goes by casuarina pri. i cross the road, and decided to run along loyang pri. as i reached the main road, my body started to struggle in complying with the wants of my mind. but still i continued... until u noe that intersection where 89 takes a turn into whitesands from the road leading from west plaza?... yea. i stopped there. and walked all the way home.

i think u can almost imagine what i went thru the morning after.

i noe, takda kerje kan...? haha.

after much deliberation.. like it?
ns here i come!

2009-09-22T23:06:00.003+08:00

today.. was the third day... though i'd like to think that the night's still young... some of my family's already counted the sheep, or not.
this year hasn't been much less happenning... of course, with more than half of the happenning-ness was dude to the build-up. the eve. the very last day of Ramadhan.
without further ado....

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf zahir batin.

P.S; i'm slightly embarrassed about the msg that i sent to almost all that meant someone to me... cos i thought mine was so coolly crafted, not so much meaning. i'm almost never good at this- making speech, meaning for something to be very big, deep, vastly memorable and meaningful.
so, whether it is ramadhan or syawal... i insist on going back to my URL.. may peacebeuponU.

the month meant for us.

2009-09-17T08:13:00.005+08:00

Guess who?

Alimoon..

Farhan with Ayu, Linda and Noraini

Fiq, Sal and Farn

without the flash

in the flash .!..

Haseef, Adib, Sufiya, Nabil

3 days to go.. and just 2 nights left. the feeling strikes me, u noe...?
have i done my utmost everything to make my ramadhan a very fruitful one, i cannot be sure.
u noe, its quite difficult (for me) to want to sleep early just to wake up in the wee hours of the morning, u noe, to take adwantage of these last ten days. so far, just one time. with faisal. when i almost paitao-ed him. and he called.
so i think my best conclusion is: i need someone to wake me up. heh typical me ryt? i need to be my own alarm clock.!..

i mentioned last month of my supposed skin-change. change already. okae not? i'm still blur with the godeh2-ing.. cos i think i give up VERY easily. this worries me. cos insya'allah after my ns.. smu awaits me. that is, if i dont renew my options as the U-application window opens for me next yr. and the course: Info-systems management. from what ive read, mcm Business IT. one basically undeniable common factor: PROGRAMMING. just the mention of the word makes me shiver.. remembering the reluctantly fond times at comp prog and MCT.

on a much lighter note, this month's been quite happennning.. started working the afternoon shift (which is the only shift) at the usual place. for first two weeks. but managed to squeeze in a day off for first september.. haha. then for the third week it was like ramadhan paradise, not needing to wake up so early, not needing to worry of getting scolded for always being late for work, asar pon dapat, and i can gleefully wait for buke.... all until i got a call-back! haha
a deal was made, only 3-6pm. so, i accepted. and this friday, is really my last. my last day working with farhan's dad. ;)

yaaaaa...

after waiting sooo long for the volkswagen Golf 1.4 TSI

1, 3, 4.

at jalan kayu.

satay babe...

i was actually trying to take the food posters.. ;)

in case i dont see u, or i dont see u, or we dont meet... hope ure fasting month's been a fantastic one. ;) and selamat hari raya aidilfitri. in advance. :]

of the many quotes of the days...

2009-08-14T17:50:00.000+08:00

after a really nice hot bath...

safiyyah: mak etah, i nak pakai pampers... *semi-sad face*

mak etah: tak boleh... mak tak kasi..

safiyyah: *sighs* leceh la...

and my aunt just can't help but smile.
hahaha

i wanna be like her. very innocent. very upfront. very honest.
i dont want to have this emotional vessel that keeps filling up.

P.S. - note to self: don't update until the skin's changed.

trying to catch up with time

2009-07-26T14:48:00.000+08:00

i look into the mirror and i see someone... who's confused. half of my enthusiasm lagging behind in almost everything i do.
the 'contract' that i have with the kedai is ending soon. just 2 weeks left. have U heard of senoman? if can, dont play k... unless ure a stable income-earner la..
two weeks after that, puasa already. so fast. so very fast. i think i'm still gna continue on working, just 2 weeks. a half of the fasting month. besides, the only thing that's been really stopping me from fully committing to the idea of embracing the ramadhan rush at tampines interchange is that day. that one day. well, it's just one day right? one normal day.

yesterday was the annual Khadijah Mosque dinner at the Furama. we had fun.. laughing at how we won the table prize for collecting the most number of weird objects from a list which included a nail-clipper, phone card and a belt.
evry year we go and frankly, i think it'll never get old.. heh unless we all dont go together. hope that virus doesn't infect anyone in my fam..

yesterday also marked the end of the league as we faced singapore school's boys' team. had a scare at first. but then kan, we won!! hehe 5-3.
by right, i have to say that we do have a good team. which can be better. i can be better. abiiiit hard... with trainings on thursdays not on anymore. but hey, i still have haseef as my fitness coach! haha i dont think he reads this... unless he secretly glaces at this site.

today is sunday.

peace be upon u.
whoever u are.

to do not...

2009-07-14T13:36:00.005+08:00

lately i've been having some problems with my watch. adi-something-pro-something i think. heh well a couple of weeks ago i lost its strap-holder. u know that part which holds ure strap on tight so it doesn't stray and stuff? yeah... i think someone (small) meddled with it. u can try guessing who. and i bet she wont even know what im talking about if i ask her. so i went out and around to find it. result; most of the shops i went to suggested pacific plaza fossil as an answer...
more recently, my strap has been giving in. maybe due to how rough things can get? *imagine*

so yesterday.. monday the thirteenth, was to be the day i was to explore thru town. a modest change, i'd say!.. heh but whom i was to go with, i dint know. just anyone i thought of felt abit different. lain macam. so anyone up for that challenge? just know... that i really suck at directions. stay with me and u'll get lost for sure.

little did i know that the people that would follow (or go with) me to that pacific plaza was my mum and little sibz. my mum koyak-ed the coupon so we used the car. to make sure we dint get lost even more, i didnt drive. -_-'

before that we went to horne road to betulkan the Holux gps that my mum had gotten from caltex. now, it's Papago!.. cool eyh. apparently my mum had also promised adib, nabil and safiyyah a day of swimming with our cousins from dubai, i mean, they now live in dubai la... macam my family very exotic like that. but okae la... my dad's bro had gotten a job there. cool kan? but that was what, 2-3 years ago? u see, not many of my cousins (from both sides) are of the same age range as me or sufiya for that matter... so they, too are little. but its okae la... *little, now that are not so small already...

so after asar mum and bibik brought us- adib13, nabil9, safiyyah3, syukrie13, khalisya12, balqish9, dhiya7 and me(u noe la, hehe) to the Bukit Batok CSC to swim.

it was cool la, despite my age... there's this lazy river which connects the kiddy's pool and a huge slide. there's also this pool which's like a beach thing i dunno what its called, and every 20 mins or so waves will start... *wahhs in amazement*

and through it all i come into terms with myself. deep within there's this other person just waitng to explode, with anger or love just being the catalyst. that story im not sure i can tell, anyone, anytime soon..

i tried so hard to capture her

wet.

the thirteen year olds...

mee hoon goreng

prata

haha

after all the fun.. more for them though.. heh

a shot from saturday's durian party... the next day i woke up at 3 pm. heh i dunno if i should blame the king of fruits for that...

pic of the day...

a month and 4 days

2009-07-02T11:47:00.006+08:00

it's been more than a month, i know... it's been procrastination meets a blank mind as soon as i face the comp, every single time.
And so my daily morning routines continue. though i can safely say that the reason that my 'colleagues' and i look forward to in the early mornings is the people that we meet. and even though our body is fatigued by waking up at 5, our eyes go wild as we admire, just admire *sigh* hah if u get what i mean la..
on the other hand, we might jus be shiok sendiri. owh well....

As i struggle to recall whatever i've done or just the highlights of it all....
i think of;

-Megan Fox.
-(and) that Transformers movie night with my siblings.
-our magnificent draw with Moosemen. haha
-Megan Fox! haha
-the IHF Hockey Junior World Cup that Singapore dint finish last in..!.. much promise Yo!
-How fast Safiyyah is growing up
-How fast i can get agitated with her. heh
-how fast some of my friends have gone in.. and by the time i go in, they PoP already... haiz
-how i've been meaning to change my blogskin

on the flip side, without even knowing it... i think time really does fly, it's up to us whether to keep up and glide with it anot.

and yea.. ive got a dilemma: to work my way thru Ramadhan... or just chill my way thru the one and a half months before enlistment. no grey spots here. must choose. and quick!

and i dunno why i cant upload pics. precisely why sometimes i get soooo lazy to do this! haha

chey da besar la syafi

2009-05-28T12:29:00.003+08:00

today something horrible happened. so horrible that i dont think that defeat of ManU in the match in rome can compare (HAHA). I woke up late. so late that i reached work an hour late! haha sorry im being anti-climax abit.

today, is also thursday. the 28th! and the guilt feeling of not putting up my red samosa on the windscreen is no more.. haha still blur? i know most of the time, it's no big deal... but it just hits me that one whole has passed. so fast. from a guy who has trouble aligning the car on the centre of the lane to almost drifting on a sharp bend (chey!) no la... not to that extent. but i think every driver has his (or her) own esteem level on the roads of singapore. not anywhere else. haha

the last time slotting it in front.

my last night using it. or isit? i think no la.

the reason why i couldnt wake up jus now; barney in the middle of the night. -_-"

rush-hour 4

2009-05-26T22:07:00.004+08:00

ive been sweating, i mean, perspiring so much in the mornings at work that sometimes i dont know how to get around and in between all the many different types of customers- from the irritatingly impatient, the unsuspecting hot/admirable to the plain weird ones. haha well, what can i say? i always get stumped when someone tells me that customers are always right.
if u ask me, that only applies when ure the customer. full-stop.

i think im losing my mojo. get what i mean?
i have to get it back. but i'm afraid it might not be so groovy.

now, my aim is to chase micheal phelps. realistic or what? haha

lawa kan? kan? hehe

match-fit

2009-05-16T22:42:00.002+08:00

it's as good as experiencing 3 whole losses. just for the whole of today.

the game that i missed, at 2pm. Pasirian-Salibandy. was supposedly a sure-win for us. well, i'd naturally like to believe that it was because of my absence that that happened.. embarrassing, i feel.. but i guess its not fair for me to say anything. because i wasnt there and all. but the downfall, after hearing the news. our 'reputation' really exceeds ourselves. political shit slash temper issues.. heh

the next game was slightly light-hearted. the second game of the three-series matches between singapore and malaysia. we lost 3-1. haseef only got in to play in the second half. they scored in the second half. catch my drift?
i have a feeling we can win tomorrow.
and i can almost memorise the route drive from home to the sengkang field. im only afraid that i would snooze enroute back and forth!.. heh

this last game, even though we drew nil-nil. the score sort of resulted ManYoo to be champions of the BPL. heh sorry liverpool. i can imagine already the months of non-stop gloating by all the ManYoo fans around. As for arsenal, i dunno la eh. faithful, i have to remain.

As for me.. i think im gna accept it. and be grateful with what i have.

PS- i'm not doing very well either.

should i wait?

2009-05-10T16:01:00.004+08:00

i have a dilemma. one which i don't know if i can stall. like how easily i do it when i get behind the wheels of a manual car! this week, no game. i think by now you've come to realise how little substance there is inside this thing ure readin... heh
probably sums up my week this week. though hectic it was towards the end of the week. owh yar.. have u watched the movie, jane austen's book club? i think prudy is hot. haha well quite a thing which gives me the i dunno what la... when i see her in her character as well in person. her eyes, fuyyoh!!

haha well.. it's nicer in the movie..

so i better describe abit about the movie.. heh
k so there's this book club who has members having theirs lives amost revolving around the wonderful books written by Jane Austen. quite cool la, even though i dont think i can do what they do... come on, each book every week? then they meet up to discuss. along the way they find their way in friendship, love and resolution as they learn more and more about each other and themselves. okae, if u plan to watch the movie, im sorrry...!... haha

well till another movie review,
peacebeupon U!

eighth of october

2009-04-26T21:17:00.004+08:00

these few days, more than a couple of thing's been happening. most of them, i can only pray wont happen again. well actually i can do more la... so that i dont ever lose my things again or miss important deadlines. i can be grateful instead, with what i already have.

you cannot control how u feel, but u can control what u do upon feeling that thing. thats what i think. but it sure is quite difficult, to act against how u feel. shrugging off whatever love or hate u have brewing deep inside and just be emotionless or even bare a smile.
i have to believe that the things that've happenned is happening for a reason. some reason that is beyond what i cannot comprehend. insya'allah, for the better.

i realise i cannot go back to seconday school and resit for Olevels.. i doubt i can conjure up a decent english composition that is relevent enough to impress anyone who reads it.!.. heh o well, im graduating soon pon! 21st may. rented the gown. thought i could just save and borrow from fiq's sis but too bad im quite tall, and the lady was very persistent in encouraging us to buy/rent the gown.

today was the last of the 3 match series between the Singapore U-21 mens and an australian team (i dont noe whish standard they were from) but they were good. with beer cans in hand as they exchanged tributes with their opponent, i doubt they were the 'aussies' national squad.. heh they won tho 2-1.. today, despite i think the best showing so far from haseef and his team. haha lucky he doesnt read this. kalau tak kembang die...

today. floorball. innebandy. i came late. felt alot less than nostalgic as i entered the sports hall. got kanchiong as i saw almost the whoole team stretching already. results, dont ask.
we could have been better. i can be better. cos my greatest emeny, haha, is myself.

still havent update about pd. macam malas nak upload the pics here, when uploading is super convienient on facebook. heh

karma

2009-04-19T21:09:00.003+08:00

i really didnt mean for this post to just be like this... but due to some viscous turns of events, this is all i can afford.

i am tamporarily officially undeniably incontactible via handphone. got lost. don't ask. it all began with chelsea. then my whole world somehow came crashing down from a somewhat esteemed cloud nine which i created for myself as i go into contemplative mode as to how things are happening... and if there's a profound reason to all this.

so just leave me a message in this cyberspace if i am worthy enough to be contacted by.
chey wahh. emo. heh.

godspeed.

port dickson dok..

2009-04-10T01:00:00.006+08:00

first up, a couple of random things just lingering around this messy vessel of a head of mine.

it was hard. different. weirdly hopeful. just now.

im not indefatiguable.

helping out with 'secretary' duty for cik man has really helped pass the time at the shop. heh cos once the clock strikes 9, boredom starts to really kick in.

i realise that i don't have many friends. haha. jeng3

hmm n yea... my fam's gna go on holiday! finally ryt?.. haha to port dickson. these tha-reee days! not complaining cos going anywhere, anytime around now just about sounds great.

well, it does hurt. but it's the only way.

just a month

2009-04-02T15:45:00.004+08:00

in life, k before i start acting like a preacher who thinks he knows it all let e admit: i dont know alot of things... so to me, conflict is inevitable. especially with ur loved ones. from unspoken passion of love we have expectations of each other, so that we would together adapt to the most difficult of challenges in life. we expect that other party to act a certain manner in order for us to accept him/her as who we want them to be like, depending on how much we really need them. ironically ive come to a conclusion. that the more love there is, the more expectations we have upon each other. and therefore we tend not to speak of what we want them to do. cos it doesnt have to be said, does it? this is, to me, where the problem actually manifests. total breakdown of communication, and poof! arguement leading to further conflict. and sadly, the worst thing that can happen is a fallout. how tragic would that be?
may this not fall out of context. cos i never want to lose touch with anyone of them.

nowadays ive been home staying quite alot. but bcos of
her

I don't mind. ;]

rout-in-e.

2009-03-28T21:24:00.003+08:00

i realise that it's abit (k, alot) irritating to keep having to look at my annoying pic covering most of my previous entry... heh so the only thing i can do is to update.. rite?
As far as my daily routine goes, it is simply just that. routine, very routine, daily... except that i go (well, as of just last week) for floorball and hockey trainings, fulfilling the 2nd half of 4 out of the seven days last week. quite shagged la.

on a mildly lighter note, nowadays alot of the little everyone i know've been going on vacation! shiok or what... while i'm still here. doing the same things. in the small little red dot on the world map. i wanna go some place too. with my family, all of them.. or just alone. haha but i know that one will seem lain macam and i'll probably get bored pretty fast.

ive been loooking around (kental kan?) for a new skin but havnt been successful. haha i think all the nicer skins are either luckily found or self-programmed by the blogger and i dont have any luck in both departments.

i think i have to list down the, now, little things that i can do both at home and outside? just until i get called up/ summoned by the government.. haha

hair

2009-03-25T13:59:00.003+08:00

yes, my face tak perlu... but i'll jus be missing my... just nice hair.. cool kan? now it's short... my mum call's it the 'gentleman's' hair cut...

so much for my ambitions of going to a salon and getting the treatment huh...
all there is now is for me to wait for the letter. to enlist. then i go botak myself. really something right.............. heh

yay! yay! exam da bis!

2009-02-27T12:07:00.003+08:00

i can safely say.. that i'm done with exams!! haha after so long... seriously the days counting down after the rest of the school finish their exams really took on a toll. gotto catch up with things.. alot of things....
like
touching my (floorball) stick
play
watch the many2 series that ive been holdin up
play
work.... that one u noe why la..
play
maybe change my blogskin.. haha someone changed hers so fast i havnt blinked yet!
play some more...
haha
n i guess looking after safiyyah... her new word- LABAK la (rabak) heh doesnt sound as nice here... but what can a guy do???

peace be upon u.

exams..

2009-02-22T06:28:00.003+08:00

it was 12.30 already. we planned to clock out to the land of the unknown at midnight. so that we could continue hitting the books at 5. it really seemed like an awesome idea. my morales went up abit, being less worried of how i was going to cope with the two papers that were going to run over me that day. that friday. the normal routine started kicking in. safiyyah didnt want to sleep, yet. so she waited for me to baring first. i made her milk and suddenly something almost rare happened- she fell very soundly i mite add, asleep. heh. so i listened to her sleep. hours went by. slowly. the chime of the clock was audible enough to keep reminding me 15 mins along the way. i didnt know what to do. old news right? was it exam jitters i don't know. all i knew was that i needed at least abit of sleep. if not, for both papers i would, i dunno. just imagine la. i think i went to sleep at and 4.30. but got back up at 5.40. that, u should noe felt like mere moments. but it had to make do.
the day went quite quickly... with my ELNFAS finishing at 11.30 to revising all the way to the mosque to feeling my heart tremble as i took on a shot at fazeela'a manual geely back to school and struggling haplessly on the first page of my RFNS paper. that was a morale booster for the paper, i have to say. heh. after that me gil feeq and the kakakz went to arnold's to go eat. that was a treat to end school with! for them la. i got one more. maths. gerek kan. and it'll be on a day when evryone else i know finish theirs

we could have gone there yesterday.

i cant help but just count the days.. cos i know i'll somehow miss it. miss school. miss going to school...late. overall tp la i guess kan?

i wanna go here again. must i really give back my matrix card? ppl say i look slimmer in that pic. heh ;]

just 3

2009-02-15T08:23:00.005+08:00

if she knew how much praise she gets on how cute she is, she'd only just smile with glee, act dunno and say: kuang assam!

notice her small fingers almost wrapped around my neck, all her instructions...

the middle of it..

sunday morning...

2009-02-15T08:03:00.003+08:00

it's roughly just five after eight. and i cant believe im actually up. heh to im somehow contemplating whether to go for a run myself anot. cos it has seemed quite long since i went for one. since last last monday... when i did my napfa; and got a silver!! haha so it's two months less after all huh.. (i'm still not very sure about it, but hope so la...) if not for what seyh. no link.
to be waking up listening to her voice was quite refreshing. heh n she too couldnt believe it when i said i was awake, asking me to actually get up and run on the 'spot'. lari la tu! hah
i felt like yesterday was abit wasted.. haiz. i cant count down. to the day of my exam. i cant. cos there's that immenent fear staring me down. insisting that i wont have time. i wont remember my stuff.
Olevels was the last time i had to sit for 2 papers on the same day. and even though friday's a blessed day, i cant imagine how im gna juggle my thoughts and memories successfully so i could somehow put in the thrashcan the facts of the first paper just in time for solat jumaat and brace myself for the next paper at 2.30... i feel like driving.. on that day. so tak rushing sgt. heh owh well.
whether or not i go for my run right now, i just noe one thing: i cannot look at my bed. if not something disastrous will happen. *jeng3* go figure. while i continue contemplating....

salamz dokz. heh

come on Arsenal!

2009-02-01T00:05:00.002+08:00

today i feel ive been challenging myself too far beyond my physical limits...
hockey was fun... match with cjc was cancelled i dunno why, so we had a 'match' with the girls... haha and we barely won... guess which position i played at? right wingz yoz! a position i'd never imagine i'd be in. i guess for fun bole la...
if that wasnt enough i went to play floorball shortly after... training cum 'practice' match for next week. i must say im abiiiit excited about the testimonial match. really something to look forward to... we played 5 periods of 20+ mins i think.. and by the 3rd i could feel my major muscles begging for mercy- different parts of my body began to cramp one after the other. what's that in malay? simpul biawak eh..? ahha okae remember syafi, malay c6...
so that was the first time since very long that i challenged myself so hard. hish... now im suffering the consequences.. just try to imagine...

after watching haseef's match at delta we went to eat. again i felt like noo-noo from teltubbies... i have to gobble up as much as i could to finish the food. i never learn my mistake of always ordering my own... where i could have still waited for the food which my family bought and still be able to be full. heh how to lose weight?? haiyo... n yea... SRC won the semi's match 3-0, storming into the finals tomorrow. quite nice to have been there with my WHOLE family to support my 'prodigy' brother. if he reads this confirm kembang....so its a good thing that he doesnt read this kan..? heh

friday was the day of my interview... quite weird how gabra i got as it came near... cadet pilot dok.. hahah
pictures very soon i guess...

hope i recover soon.. before monday, napfa test. just think, silver= two months less.

4am

2009-01-12T04:11:00.003+08:00

As of now i'm at a loss for words.
i keep looking back an forth at my assignment sheet.
looking for the right words.
trying to understand whatever much that i can relate to.
Air Traffic Control meets SSR Transponder.
Why am i doing this.
In the wee hours of the morning.(or night)
about 4 am to be exact.
someone better kill me soon.
for i'll go on a rampage on my comp.
don't get me wrong.

she mentioned once
about how different she sounded
looking back at her old blog.
so i went snooping around
only to find out
how much in love i was.
with this girl
who thinks no one would notice.

i was afraid
to go deeper.
to find out more
of her past
before i came along.
it is funny
how i shouldn't be
for i have to believe
that we are meant to be

godspeed.

the third. already

2009-01-03T13:34:00.003+08:00

looking back at the things ive done for the past year really has got me thinking... of how much i affect others around me. and to think that i dont have any resolutions for myself would be me keeping myself obvious. there needs to be a change. for me. to change. thare should be some room to change.. ryt? to be the best that i can be. haha now i sound like a school motto!.
among the many resolutions which come to mind, only one strikes me the most.

manage my time.

that's a promise i'll make for myself this year... all the more with NS looming by closer and closer each day. wehhehe... think of the outcome syafi. a friend pointed out to me that there are only 7 weeks of school left. now i dont know whether to rejoice in relief or sigh with desperation... only time will tell.

pictures

2008-12-25T22:40:00.006+08:00

i love this one

that day out... yes??

X'mas eve.....

Etah and sufiya

watching her barney..............

i love how lepak she can be... u noe ?

At KL...

the red chair...

3, 4, 5, 6... satu2 muka stop it.!..

see how fast this thing's going...

hari raya haji

attitude.. heh

when she finally managed to get out of the house...

guess what i helped cook.!...

Segamat trip

cool kape......

i couldnt rev it up however i throttled.. heh

haha look at their faces!

Nabil jealous..

safiyyah and kak odah

see i told u i'd update. there... haha im only afraid the next time i post em all would be...... hmmm well, we'll have to see would we?...

i know that u know that i don't think u noe alot about u. i think

2008-12-22T21:51:00.004+08:00

it's been a very long time... its always been the same ol' story... i know... i look at others, i cannot compare. heh but it's my blog right, i should have the 'right' to whether i wanna update or not... but that's just being nasty... truth is im abit, and the keyword for that is abit, lazy la to get my photos in... so when i do have the semangat to update this thing, many things just dont happen.. k, why am i explaining myself pon i dunno why... but u'r reading it aren't u? haha it'd be a shame if nobody does, cos then i'd be shiok sendiri on my own... heh yes, im giving excuses for myself.. on and on... non-stop.

alot of things have happened... and i mean alot. i just don't noe how to start. actually that by itself is another excuse. hmmmm from the day of my MP judgement( ;] ) to that segamat trip without haseef a week before term break to term tests (haiz, gi pandai2 amek maths kan) to term break. alas the highlight of it all would have to be my trip to KL with my whole family... yes, my WHOLE family... all eleven of us... hehe kocoh i have to say... but it was unforgettable... i wanna take photos from ya. but i cant.. because of the trip. sorry sufiya, u lost ur memory card. i have a feeling that the experiences we had will stick on our own memory for a long long long time.

ive got a week to go.. haiz... and she's away. until this sat i think.

im torn between many things... among them- what's right, what's real and what which has been so surreal to me i can't stop thinking about it.

anyways, how's ur hols been? my napha's coming. jeng3... heh

djudginggg

2008-12-03T01:28:00.003+08:00

it's gna happen in less than 10 hours. im getting anxious. i can't wait. cos this vessel of a head attached to my neck is fast going empty... with everything adding on. had a hell of a weekend last week tho... pictures soon... when im not too busy procrastinating... haha tak hal nex week term test! heh jeng3...

peace be upon u all. all of the so many of u. hah

ccomshit

2008-11-20T16:40:00.003+08:00

im at the same place again. its as if the computer screen magnetically attracts both my eyelids shut! heh is that cool or what... im struggling with my 1.5K words report due tomoro. i got things to out in it, but im quite afraid that they're irrelevant. so should i jus crap my way thru?

gonna have training later. pasirian. ironic sometimes cos i have to make a choice. a choice between things that i truly want, to a certain extent need. all this whilst my project judging is lurking sheepishly near; getting ready just to laugh at how i manage my time, at how i manage myself.

i cant open my pics at skool. pardon my excuse. till next time.

peace be upon youz

snooze

2008-11-18T11:14:00.002+08:00

im falling asleep... alot... as in dozing off.. anywhere.. almost anytime. i need help. hwat if anything happens to me. or my things while i tilt slowly to the left and right.. like riding a bike. heh only much much slower and plain embarrassing. i would get back up right and open my eyes... only to see other looking strangely back at me.
help.
i need help.

im back!

2008-11-09T20:28:00.009+08:00

i need to at least attempt on reviving this blog of mine.
Life's been quite busy. well, that could be everybody's excuse... ryt? this whole week i came back to schoool, yes, even on the weekends. no life, i would say... but the project's judging is due to be within this week... up till the 26th. i dont think there's enough time. i have to believe there still is. for every single connection on those freaking PCB boards has to work. really really work. i cannot wait for it all to be over....... and i am going to continue with maths. i dont really know how i feel about it, since i sort of forgot about the withdrawal deadline. it was on friday 7th nov 4pm. now i'm jus gna do it. too bad nike doesnt endorse calculus.

for now im gna try cover up the debt of photos missing from this (so ive been told) BORING blog of mine.!.........

the magnificent view from somewhere in skool

the first day of raye... hehe

SRC- Div1 champions... baik seef!

Safiyyah falling asleep watching that match

taken from the appreciation luch by MFA... i think some of em are cute. heh

my aunt and mum

fatherly love anyone? hehe my dad and asai...

SAFIYYAH

Sufiya

haseef

Guess what's this!......

12th

2008-10-12T11:49:00.003+08:00

its noon of the 12th day of Syawal. as i drove home returning remi's stick and bag which i so totally forgot to bring home, i still could see families, couples walking on our roads cladded magnificently in baju kurung. there is that spirit of raye still there, only i dont feel it. so i keep telling myself that its only the second week (for goodness' sake!) u noe? i still have today to go out with the family, and this would be the 3rd day of raya-ing counting yesterday's mildly spirited time out, to ONE house, my aunt's house, at meridian pri there. then back we were at home. i realise i do quite an amount of sighing as i update, everytime. i'm sorry for that. i should really buck up huh. relax, syafi... its not over yet. and now i feel disappointed for tsomething that i brought apon myself. maybe its me thinking too much. maybe i had put up a reasonable amount of hope for something that was barely planned out, for that i think im being unreasonable.

i just. m. u.

heh owh well. and there i go again!
i have a target for myself. the next blog entry, there will be photographs. i'll see to it. orelse i dont update. heh
for now im abit lazy to take out my wire. and i think im the only one in many who feel that way.

i know its abit contradicting to my post, but Salam Lebaran semua! haha

selamat hari raye!

2008-10-07T15:43:00.003+08:00

ive been itching to clean out these cobwebs appearing on this blog of mine but hesitation persists... as its RAYA.. and i barely have anything nice (not that my raye wasnt special) to share. i mean, it doesnt spring out to life, u noe... well, my hari raye happened on 1st OCT.... paused for awhile and shuld be continuing on this following week.. heh cos of exams... now, im supposed to be meeting the floorball guys.... NP today, at NP. have a good feeling about it. jus hope im fully recovered.

till hopefully very soon,

peace be upon U

i'm sorry.

2008-09-10T02:28:00.002+08:00

I am not in any position to bargain, for i have put myself in this position that im in.
I always realise that love is and has never been up for bargain, but i have a feeling that my cards are running out, together with much patience that i have subconsciously entrusted upon... as i am not doing my part. not even trying perhaps. because i cannot. not now. not in this month. im not asking for patience...cos i dont think u can wait anymore.

gerhana

2008-08-18T22:16:00.002+08:00

two nights ago i wasn't asleep till dawn.. i couldn't sleep. not for i have witnessed something quite special, people might just have mistaken it to be nothing. indeed it was magnificent, what i saw in the whee-hours of that starless night.
there was an eclipse. the moon. was full, and by some wonder only God can understand, slowly covered up... as though i was reliving my pri 5 science lesson on how the moon gets its shapes- crescent and what not. me and my sibblings, we couldn't fathom the significance of it all cos all i know was it was the first time i've ever seen such a thing before... maybe it is with godspeed, a wonder, which coincides with the special fact that it was the malam of nisfu sya'ban.
i'll never forget the night, and neither will haseef nor sufiya. cos it relived the old bilik-boyz days.. heh.
weird thing was, nobody else knew about it.. well, maybe i don't know, but at least not for my non-muslim friends. it was jus a tale.

this portal is in total lack of graphical content.
im apolagetic.

i'm hot. u'r cold. haha

2008-08-01T23:00:00.003+08:00

as i dive into extreme boredom i realise... even tho i used to believe that just with a comp u'll never have nothing to do... that i completely don't know what to do with myself, yes, right now...in front of a comp monitor. i know, im not u. i'm not normal.. haha thats y im me!.. chey, before i start my crap, which has already begun... i continue...
so i switched on kak's comp... went online... dint know who to start a meaningful conversation with... stayed online... checked my unchecked mail... still the same thing- delete some, leave the rest unread, and its 612 encounting... went to watch-movies dot net then realised that wasn't in any mood for slow buffering movies... maybbe my timing just sucks... but hmmm... so i'm here... letting it out. haha. wow, ryt? i know.

imagine this.
ur panting... ur lungs are on the verge of giving in but ur rib cage just holds it back... ur knees are trembling, can't stand up right... u keep wanting to let go of urself to the earth.. to lie down n never get up. at that very same time u feel ur brain getting bigger, clashing with ur skull... it keeps throbbing u to give up.

n that was just fitness. physical training. which i should be able to take. haiz

and i thought it was as easy as to think that the only way for me to go is inward. if u know what i mean.

guess this is the time i say 'this is it for now...'
hha

peace be upon u

long time no update

2008-07-26T00:28:00.003+08:00

now i can say that it's been literally (in an avid blogger's point of view) lightyears since i last updated. heh
won't say much though... cos i dont know what to say, which usually happens.
well, nothing much has really happened... actually alot la.. haha but i cant seem to remember as im typing ryt now... i dented my dad's car! haha thats what happened last week. cos i sort of forgot that i had to 'makan jauh' abit as im going out (in the car) to the left as it is nicely fit in the lot. what a way to start the day man that day! ahha i was on the way to school and i got that "omg u screwed up bad" look from my mum as she witnessed first hand her car body rubbing 'shoulders' witht he carpark pilar.

owh well....

last week the flooorball team faced a (to me) a devastating set-back in our efforts to be the best in the league, sort of...as our very own douglas shot a wonder free-hit (that, which i should have blocked...)in the very last minute to snatch a win from us to draw... okay now i sound like a commentator.
well, sad la... last minute then draw...

owh well... haha

some more i find out that our last few matches will indeed be in the holy month. susah susah... adds the headache which im gna have with time management... with SIP not gna be able to be finished by 29 Aug... i want to work.. i need to work.. cos y? u noe why la... hehe and the games...which (is proven) cannot go without training... cobaan... ryt?

owh well...

last but not least...
Peace Be Upon U

she would say 'halo halo'

2008-06-09T21:55:00.002+08:00

I must admit it has been quite some time since i utilised this portal of never-ending emotion slash event ranting... alot of things have happened.. and i dont noe where to start.
I wont mention anything about school, cos it's been a total dragg with my monster teachers never satisfied with our brave efforts and all the can do is, like my instructor tells me, 'act like understand but actually, sont understand...'
meanwhile, i dont have to see my instructor's face annnnymorrrrre... wahahahahahaha ;)
cos i am road legal yoz....

among other things, it's been more than a week that my whole, yes all of them, family went to fulfil umrah... without me and kakak. it's been a lil' bit more than okay though... cos we're staying at mama's place with her daughters... yeap, im the only guy slash driver... heh but i dont mind besides the fact that i was let down by this stupid SIP.
i just miss them, everyone- abah, mak, etah, abg suhail, sufiya, haseef, adib, nabil and SAFIYYAH...

i've been dozing off alot lately... everywhere... anytime. i'll be like swaying front and back without any control what so ever.... and ending up feeling paiseyh as EVERYONE intensely stares at how i sleep.

the number 3.

2008-05-10T00:53:00.002+08:00

today i met with the 3rd week of school. i just hope theres only 16 weeks to go for me and my groupmates. it's been so hectic. we would actually turn our heads next door and turn green as the lab occupants would have the utmost freedom to go online and do whatever they please. for me, i don't even have my own comp! all i have is my soldering iron for peeling. heh
Many many things happened this week, and yet i simply cant transform my thoughts into words as i try so very hard to jot down the highlights of the week for my i-don't-know-if-it's-relevant weekly report slash logbook.
well, not much for me to update about school. cos it's something abit more than i'd say boring, but wth, right... we all have been craving for court time, that's fo sure... and i've no fot been able to go for hockey trainings for nuts. what with my prac last week, and early sandwich making for the trials tomoro morning after work.
well, nothing in this world is fixed.. ryt?
and i for one, should realise that i certainly cannot get what i want... at least not now.... but owh well.

week number two

2008-05-03T20:20:00.003+08:00

i just submitted my weekly report number 2 of my MP/SIP.. and i have to say that sadly, we are brought to go thru some extent of low as to shit, oh im sorry, crap our way to filling in our arguably redundant logbook. well perhaps i havnt found any use for that white-almost fulscap paper looking booklet of blank sheets... cos im sure it'll be farely useful during my next semester of school.

other then this, i dont know how to put into words how im feeling. the melancholy of having to give up something which could have been.. truly, something. I dont have the right to say anything else, anymore.

matters of the heart

2008-04-25T21:11:00.002+08:00

Today. Friday. the last day of the first week of what we all call MP/SIP. it wasn't in any way a new story for me as this week would cap up a whole month of the project- aircraft simulator, cancelling what which would have been a somewhat memorable close for my, used to be, long awaited holidays.
no use mentioning about it now... cos the whole idea of total (0830-1730hrs) work cum school is slowly, sneakily creeping up to me.

Today. Friday. i was late for merely 5 minutes. i only have myself to blame. i woke up, but couldn't bring myself up. yeap. that very important part of dawn...missed. burned. i should be ashamed. i am. i think i'm gonna get the hang of crapping my whole way through handing up my weekly reports. the words make it much much longer, when i have only about two points to write down. bole tahan teruk la. heh

Today. Friday. there was a mild example of an unsuccessful firedrill in the making as all ( they said all, the whole school) the students and teachers were supposed to assemble at tembusu grove (approx. 8 mins from where we all were) no matter where we were.
it was hot. i wore black. u connect the dots.
one thing was that my eyes and internal organs couldn't stop racing, wherever i was standing.
ironic how a quite big school can seem so small.

next week will be another week. hopefully not everything will be 'all over again'.

peace be upon u.

hey, whats your name?

2008-04-14T20:35:00.004+08:00

today, something else happened.

i was actually surprised that i was able to wake up in time for a now routine snoozebath. went to work as mum dropped us off just near tampines hdb building. i put my bag behind farhan's stall. sis my best to be as fast as i could in serving whoever that was keen on the various packet food choices.
as i was about to leave for school, i couldn't find what i arrived with. with in which i had inside, all my notes. all my notes. but i do not think the captors were even after what was inside... just the thing on the inside. as he or she would never be able to understand all the mumbo-jumbo of all the schematic and printed circuit board designs of the simulated glass cockpit of the boeing 747-400.

i couldn't do anything. samsonite couldn't do anything.

so there i was with my crocs, smelling less than well and empty-handed if not for the nasi lemak i was holding on while on 69.

even before school reopens i'm starting to grow emotionless

i don't have the right to say.

2008-04-08T19:54:00.003+08:00

i cannot say much. i cannot redeem myself. i can just hope and pray that u understand.

come to think of it, i don't have what it takes anymore... to put what's inside... out in here. cos u literally got me started in this.
but i cant stop. i don't know. cos i seem alien from those usually heart-warming things. i have no more to say. only that i can offer is sorry. i am sorry for myself.

driving's gonna be on from now on end.
28th may here i come.

draw game.

2008-04-05T22:16:00.003+08:00

i was once told...

"what is the use of being angry
when u can't change
what u want changed.
so it is better to keep silent."

i dont want to be like that...
that's why i say.
i tell.
i try to confide.

i can only ask for so much...
for that, i'm sorry. but like u said, i'm me. and u're u.

peace be upon u.

maybe i'm asking for too much

2008-03-26T19:11:00.002+08:00

today i had training.. straight after work. the highlight would be that we actually trained, with our floorball sticks and all, on the hockey pitch. it wasn't that bad la, just different. such things that we have no choice but adapting. in this case because the school hall was already on for some renovations. in such cases we just have to let it be and do what we can.

i'd like to think that one can let out his or her deepest darkest and most intimate feelings with the ones that they love. feelings of which that contribute to how they are in daily life. but it's come to my sorry understanding that it's not like that. it's saddening, how things change, n expectations cannot remain the same anymore. maybe it's selfish. but i feel alone. but hey, it's okae... ryt?

don't mind me, i'm nobody.

sit in my place for a change and u'll see.
try wearing my shoes and u'll noe.

baik arsenal! haha

2008-03-23T23:19:00.003+08:00

as i agonisingly countdown the seconds for the manU-liverpool match as the visitors were excruciatingly losing to the satans, i mean devils by 3 goals to nil. its finishing now... so there's no point in talking about it anyhow... it's jus that im only awaiting for the next match... where arsenal will face chelsea at stamford bridge. we have to win. or, sadly to say... we'll only be second, at best. so i can only hope. jeng3... as if i have my bets on the gunners, with my mindset going against the odds of reality.
it's the passion, u noe... and yet, its not something that has to even be mentioned.
these days, i realise that my entries have indeed been just short of plain enthusiasm.. so its just boring to be reading my own writings. plain boring.
well, i'll be going back to the usual routine come tomorrow... as the short "good" break is almost over.
for sure, still, ther'll be plastic bag-opening difficulties for me. i keep telling myself that i need to do something possibly innovataive, to help me overcome my partial-deficiencies... especially during the break of dawn... as adults, on the way to work, storm thru the makings of a not so ready display of nasi lemak, laksa, mee rebus and lontong in terms of hard-plastic packets.

well i'm just hoping that things after that will follow thru nicely.. but what can i say... nothing is certain, in life especially. its how we adapt which will make the big difference. the very big difference.

i have to do my best...
...
..
.
..
...to put some photos in this blog of mine.

from the very first time

2008-03-21T21:34:00.003+08:00

it's been one year that i've been here and it's time to change. haha. i know that this kind of thing is not significant. but its quite a bigg deal for me. so i just hope my new one's not so bad.

what can i say... i'm quite a sentimental guy... and u helped me. by forsakeing ur own. n i can't say thank u enough.

p.s. ive not been feeling myself lately.

a void awaiting to be filled back in...

2008-03-15T11:08:00.002+08:00

today is my brothers' birthday.
i don't know whether my family's going out or just, i dunno.
birthdays are always weird... for me that is, i suppose...
this almost awkward feeling where u expect alot to happen and at the same time u somehow know that nothing fantastic is going to happen... nevertheless we should never stop being thankful of what we already have.
which is why i can barely wait for this one day, today to be somehow over... because tomorrow, you will not be too far away from me. i miss you.
though ive been able to barely withstand the void which left me missing something, someone...my pocket has not been feeling well- with holes relentlessly opening at every unwanted opportunity. heh not that it's not a pleasure for me to splurge out my epok-epok earnings on presents for my loved ones.
...
but maroon 5 is awaiting. hmm. just keeping my hopes up.

well,
peace be upon u.

even before u leave

2008-03-11T11:16:00.002+08:00

i disappoint everyone... including my loved ones... expecially the ones i love... everytime.
Anyone up for meditation..? somewhere... anywhere (quiet)... i keep saying that but it always seems as though i'm not trying hard enough to find the time...

and she's leaving first thing tomorrow morning... i pray that internet's fully available, for i have to constantly pull back parts of me which will be lost with respect to 10.30am, 12 march 2008.

i have to find something. just something to shock me from my deep, deep sleep. cos i have to maximise my time at work.. cos this month, my pocket's starting to hurt. punctures everywhere.

wishing wonderful birthdays to
safiyyah.......2years4days......................today
abg suhail....3days short of 21years.....today
haseef..........4days short of 15years.....today
nabil.............4days short of 8years.......today

well, in terms of presents, it's 2 down 2 to go as i countdown to maroon 5 on the 25... woooohoooo! haha

well, this entry seems so empty... owh well

thinking about today, today...

2008-03-04T19:34:00.003+08:00

12noon.

it was a shiver... a slightly heavy shake which the lower limb of my right foot felt.
i was afraid of acceleration. i think i still am. for when i speed up, i go too fast. i rush.
with my heart already pounding, my body parts couldn't coordinate.
my mind is keen on the instructions given, but my heart just wouldn't agree...
disorienting my whole 'finesse' as i face the world.
as if everyone's looking keenly just at me, i almost forgot about the person beside just waiting to hound on the next mistake i make.
"it's alright, everything's alright" i keep telling myself... only to stumble between the workings of the gear shift and acceleration.

someone could have died. seriously. well, i might just be slightly over-reacting... but it's a dangerous world out there. and i have a sunny to keep me contained from the whole world i'm already afraid to face.

I have a second try. just next monday. i won't hope. i won't think hard. i'll just wait for monday to come.

slowly but surely, they keep saying. that is- for me. but i have to rush because it won't be long before the 28th of our month. our month... and i have yet a clue on how we're going to spend it.
before that...
i've got to think about safiyyah, abg suhail, haseef and nabil for roughly about a fortnight full of birthdays. yay for my pocket!! woohoo!

i'll be looking forward to another day with u soon. before hongkong is upon u. well, that's not really a thing to be dreaded. it's how i'll be missing u that i will.

Love.

it's not overrrrr

2008-03-01T15:15:00.003+08:00

Yeap, holiday has finally reached upon us... upon me... whee! i suppose, but all i can think about is what i am going to do. if i have a choice, to occupy my confused slash da-masuk-longkang self during this seemingly long school break. i know, i should just shut it and go on along with things...
but most of the time, what i want most to do is governed by the influence and thoughts of others... others who i know, love me, but i (we) sometimes just forget the importance of restu.. so we just whine to ourselves..
And so i'm kept hostage by my own undecisiveness, which constantly haunts me, on when i'll have my...

work.. which is in the morning... so, okae la... bole tahan.
driving (woohoo!) and with my TP just 3 months away!
floorball... hoping we can bounce back... Div 2 yo! haha mcm real...
ngaji... insya'allah, insya'allah...
sleep. i dont think i can count all my sleep debts and lack of REM sleep.. hehe

and i plan to totally devote myself to spending more time with my loved ones. Figure that out. well, only time will tell... whether things will flow just very nicely... or just screw up for me and everybody else will somehow be more disappointed in me rather than me upon myself.

the worry for me is... i may not even have time to even complete half these things!.. we dont know. we dont know.

k now i want to sleep. one thing down. ;]

i want to play... anything.

2008-02-26T01:03:00.003+08:00

in total randomness,
i don't think I've been myself, as in myself whom i might actually be happy with... lately. my mind would spark to a short string of heartbeats and poof! it became koko krunch!... nahh.. i mean the thought just goes by.
whether I'm trying to emphasise a point or i am triggered by curiosity.

like many would also say... i should literally be in my book right now!... but the thing is, i have yet to even look into within the first page of the darn instruments systems handbook of mine. it looks used.. seriously almost all tattered up and filled with dog-ears and what not. but in the wrong way. k, that sounds wrong.

i've also been sticking to the old fashion way of blogging.. i dont really know why im typing this down. maybe i want to let my guts/feelings/whatever down.. maybe i just need assurance. from who noes where. once again, everything in my life will be in fast-forward mode come this friday... i mean thursday.. hehe whoohoo!!.. sorry.. ehem...

what i want is life is not the matter. i'm going to be fine with that. soon.

kirim the salamz...

2008-02-02T16:50:00.002+08:00

So... i have just my airlaw quiz coming up and i'll be off to (somewhere in) Malaysia on thursdayy... woohooo! haha i think. but i just can't help but wonder what's gonna be on hold for me and my small, small family in this gong-xi-fa-cai-getaway... i just hope everything goes well... or at the least decently enjoyable-> time for me to rest and not think about the never ending melancholy of what we all despise: EXAMS...
taufeeq cannot emphasise more from the fact that it is exactly 3 weeks before the ironic launch of what we are forced to endure...
yes, 3 weeks..!.
(sorry if this serves as a dreadful reminder to those who still don't want to get into it yet... )
i havn't woken up yet, trust me.
let's not talk about that, shall we...

i've been airport-ing quite alot these few days...

the views are not bad... it's the company that brings in the fun..!
too bad the picture loader thingy doesnt work...

more pictures next time then...

when shit sounds good...

2008-01-29T02:31:00.000+08:00

things that go through me...
so abruptly i just hope.

Leadership Presentation... later
EFAS Quiz 2... later
CAAS Paper... tomorrow
INSS Quiz 2... thursday
Air Law Quiz 3... thursday
CKTCS Lab Project... thursday & friday
Leadership Test... saturday

All of them by this week. not that i want to tell the world... i just feel i have to note it down. before they jump into the list of the things i always forget with the ones i sometimes take for granted... i know going out seems almost impossible, and you don't show your despair cause u understand. but i will make sure that things go our way soon. insya'allah. it may sound selfish, but it's about me wanting to claw out my way through all this @#$% so that i can go out... just go out, with u.

in front of the class...

2008-01-29T02:26:00.000+08:00

all of a sudden..
my right leg shook.
quite aggressively..
like a shiver...
at room temperature.
i start to worry
not about what's in front of me...
but about a small nervous reaction
as i reluctantly gasp
at something
i barely made through..

apolog for an apology

2008-01-26T17:33:00.000+08:00

i go back today, knowing that i screwed something up.
quite badly.
an ongoing fault of mine.
for what which could have been avoided, i stuck my nose in it and now nobody's happy.
for what which i could have understood more, i tried to tackle for the apparent, the unsaid.
for what which we could finally be able to sit together, i looked for trouble.
this is not a reply i expect u to read. nor isit an apology from ignorant me.
it is just just an unresolved resolution of what which could have turned out better,
if not for me.
if only my mouth could be in sync with my thoughts, and my thoughts be in sync with my heart. cos i can't handle it rite now..
and i cant bare to burden u anymore.

ironic

2008-01-25T23:24:00.000+08:00

for once, i may just want to shut up...
#my blog url#

Everyday...

2008-01-19T14:28:00.000+08:00

muscles surrounding the eyes start to weaken

as all others' just gaze

the lids just shut slowly

as if all were in a daze

lik like-poles

attracting from north to south

Everything just goes off

in a shallow abyss of tranquility..

..until you notice that everyone's sort of looking at you..
that would be embarrassing won't it?

gosh it's as if 2008 was last year maaanxz...

2008-01-06T07:33:00.000+08:00

just a few days after 010108...

Good morning...

nowadays i can feel so restless i dont know what i can do to stop that feeling. My thoughts this past few weeks have indeed been worthy of being blogged, and yet my fingers couldn't do the talking as i occupied myself or rather i was occupied with things to do and the so many daily routines that i have. But so far, i've had a quite eventful week as school just started with not so much of a bang for me, but a less significant whisper... All i can say is that no matter how good or bad ur day is, it'll breeze right though u as if nothing ever happened. talk about seizing the day..

i didn't know how i would have spent my last day of 2007. with plans not meeting expectations even in the last minutes... then i joined the 24 hours floorbal thingy. it was rushing, the registration; at home and at the venue itself. at home i had to go through the customs of both my parents to allow me and my bros to go there and play, the whole night. i didnt know how it was going to flow through either, but it turned out to be quite fun, with a spontaneous carpark catching in between the long hours of waiting for our matches. then i had to leave urlier as we couldnt afford to wait another 2 hours for just another match. so i have nothing but my memory to keep hold of the experience. i missed the countdown. i missed my family. i missed you.

the first day of 2008 was quite a drag.

and so this entry dragged on.. and on.. yes, and on.. till today. just manageing to publish it...
heh the wonder of procrastination, i say... and no other work is done!

As we all may not noe what becomes of us even in the next hour, i won't wanna risk not saying out the actual. the thing that i think deep down i truly feel. and may you be well and happy always...

P.S.- if u are reading this right now,
I love you.

boooooh!

2007-12-19T20:32:00.000+08:00

i would usually be able to distinguish between what's right and what's true... trying my best not just to leave out the aspect of me doing something wrong. i manipulate my way through... surging pass self-righteousness and integrity.

i lie.

i frequently know what i have to do, the tasks in hand... with a rough cum tentative plan keep running in my mind, i wait. wait till the perfect moment for which i can perfom what i have to do with the necessary zest and motivation... often i fail to meet up with the time given, putting my own body to the test.

i procrastinate.

i usually let things be.. no matter how hard or taxing it can get. a downside is that sometimes i dont even realise that i begin to hurt myself, physically or emotionally. i jus keep trying and trying...outting others before myself.

i adapt.

i normally have the aspects of my life in cool perspective... all placed nicely, one after the other. with U i go through this everlasting wonder ride of continuous excitement- pleasant or just magic. nowadays it's hard for me to put things back to back on a plan that i can slowly fulfil. i am pushed to act spontaneously. that i have yet to categorise a feeling with. this weird feeling which flows through my stuffed veins.

i love.
U.

these few weeks have been semi-busy.. with loads of things that i went through. all worthy of being blogged about. just that i can't bring all those events to be translated to words. in other words, i've been lazy... since the term tests.
so there's only about a week and a half of the school holidays. and there a lot of things to be done. better get started soon right? hmmm yea.
well, i can't wait for this coming weds...
cos no matter how much i see u,
i keep missing u.

maybe it's just me.
oh well.....

almost hooliday!

2007-12-04T20:29:00.000+08:00

Things have not been what i have been anticipating them to be... but it is not bad enough to be complaining about. been trying- k, i notice i use this word alot. so i change. i've been doing my (i think) best to keep up with my classmates, floorball, and at home. It seems as though there's an unmentioned competition going on around in my own class... with term tests lurking in the corner, i havnt a doubt in my mind that i have to make a run for my money... figuratively. i dont want to be all competitive... cos it adds on the already available stress. but i have to, i guess.. but enough of the future.

time for me to lose weight.. hahah
oooookayyyyyy

my parents are off for pilgrimage and anyone who would here about it would react:

'wahh, enjoy arh kau...?!'

on the contrary.... cos there's still my aunt and the worst part- my home can't get any cleaner.

shall plan to make more pitstops here.... plan only.. haha
well...

*my blog url*

reminiscing already

2007-11-13T02:02:00.001+08:00

i know it's like 3 days late.. but i finally got my fingers on the comp again and my blog is sometimes reluctantly boring......... ;p

and the fire that started it...

on to the result...

and on the first day...

on the second day...i think.

at *guess where* on Abah's birthday...

and finally for the whole day affair with the wolves...

and the 2 most happening months any muslim could experience has passed... waiting for next year... insya'allah

trying to catch up...

2007-11-06T05:16:00.000+08:00

Lately i've not been doing some things abit different.
i guess what's usually coming out of this pie hole of mine may just be plain excuses, whether it's by choice or not, whether i want it to be done or not, whether i want something to happen this way or just another...
things have been quite inpromptu. school just started.. well maybe i'm abit berita harian, to be updating old stuff when the new stuff keeps coming. (no offence to the daily mugel) it's still too early for me. though it's already been, as in coming into the third week of school already.
EVERYTHING has been intertwined. it's been for me, because they clash alot is why i think some meaning has been lost in all of the norms or rather the things i've been used to doing so far.

Aidil Fitri seem(ed) to be extremely short-handed this year.
i've only been able to work on saturdays... meaning less 'pocket' money. heh
again, i haven't been really gotten used to going to school even...cos i have 2 days which starts at 8... but to many others, it's no big a deal... so i try...

in fact today i start at 8.

the computer has been something like a pitstop for me. touch n go? haha it's been a long time since i travelled! k.. random.

i keep missing the things i've been really wanting to do...

like updating once in a while.
like changing this blog's skin.
like start reading a book for once.
like opening up my eyes to what is really important to me.
U.
my family.
like TRYING to lose weight. haha
like sleeping more.
like putting up the pictures that have been filled up to the rim of my phone memory.

it's to me, on the fence, to how difficult for me to get hold of the comp. cos sometimes i just couldn't be bothered..... but why am i here... ryt?

tomoro's Adib's birthday. hope it'll be a day to remember for him. even though he can sometimes be a pain in some body parts... he's one of the most loving person i know... gonna have to buy balloons and what nots... heh soemtimes leceh la... but it's all gonna be worth it... kan? agaknye la tu... i mean insya'allah.

i'm feeling pain in all the wrong places right at this moment of time. i know hwat i have to do, but i dont think i can do it now...

sleep.

and this, right now, feels awkwardly mellow-dramatic.

i'll stop now.

gna bring with me the wire connector along when i get to use the comp again aite... so this thingy of mine won't seem so boring... but it's not ryt? haha k now i'm feeling shiok sendiri.

peace be upon U.

nocturnal.nocturnal.nocturnal.nocturnal.nocturnal...

2007-10-23T05:16:00.000+08:00

i dont know why... i just couldn't sleep.
yesterday was surprisingly not so taxing... at school. start at 2PM on mondays.. then again it's no use for me to bragg cos i still dont get enough sleep.
school starts at 8 today... am jus afraid i mite fall asleep at the wrong time. heh.. i just hope i tomorrow's a smooth smooth day... gonna get a treat from someone... kan2? haha and i can't remember why...

nabil finall gets his spelling! just hope he remembers 'em all later...

ive been wanting to upload those photos i took since lebaran... just cant seem to find my wire.... yea.. just excuses, rite? soon... picture be published on this boring place soon.

i think... i'm gna go on zombie mode.... later.

well,
again,
"my blog url"

the Hottest month in the calendar...

2007-10-11T06:49:00.000+08:00

randomly...

things don't always fall apart as u may want it to.
when u have a certain plan,
a tentative schedule of events continuously playing in ur mind...
with the most significant people in ur life as the main characters... it is difficult to say that one will for sure behave a certain way. or rather the way u want 'em to behave.
in the slow but hopefully progressive path to self-discovery... i realise some things about myself which really alarms me.

I am not ready to die.

with Ramadhan reaching it's brim, i'm saddened by how little i've done to salvage the bare fruits of life, obvious but invisible thru the queered eye...
and now it's almost over... not that i'm not relishing the idea of hari raya. i'm still qualified for duit raye... i think. and this yr's one would sure be different... with everyone being busy with their own complications of lives they have.

Ultimately this month has made me realise that i do have potentials of my own... to achieve. in some ways no one can understand. no one else but me.

next week's pol-ite... whether i get to play or not... god-willing... or sometimes i cant help but realise, dennis-willing... not that im equalling him with the holy divine... jus that, apart from my own inner demons of self-pity, he stands in the way of me getting to play... but i'll take anything... considering i'm not thaaaat good. k, there i go again. stopping soon.

m sure gonna look forward to next week.

Selamat Hari Raye everyone!

pleasing just to disappoint.

2007-10-06T13:26:00.000+08:00

I dont like to disappoint. to put up some form of hope and then bail out on friends or even the timing u aim for urself to reach somewhere someone expects u to be in. all because i certainly dont like to be disappointed...but i rarely do, u see. most of the time, as i try my best not to disappoint, i end up the disappointment. so this thing really is my problem.
A problem which i realise i have but relentlessly keep baring.
from approximating time to the extreme for when my parents are picking me up... to telling a friend i can make it for something, cos i really want to make it, but not really sure i can... so i keep it to the last minute to say, or i just make it for this meeting. the same thing happened, yesterday.

i arrived at work a different style yesterday... helped out in packing the food at farhan's after solat jumaat. the first question his aunt asked me was, "tau main congkak tak?.. kalau tau, senang la nie..." cos i had to do what which was already a routine for farhan and his family- packing the key portions of the laksa. and also other foods. at about 2.50pm i got a ride with Along, farhan and their dad to work... at work we anticipated the same routine we almost everyday go through. only that there was a shortage of two people. ironically the rush hour came at about 6.20pm- the time i planned to leav to that i can meet my class for reunion cum buke bersame... i dint even have the chance to look at the time. be it at the nearby shop full of wall-clocks or from my hp in my pocket. people just kept rushing in, grabbing, and handing their oh so irritating red and blue Yusof Ishak's...
the moment i tried to look at the time, it was 6.50 pm. shaking my head i went for my asar. soon after that came upon us, break fast. so there went the whole idea of me joining the old gang...
after that i helped pack the stuff and what not... time just went by. until it was too late for me to even join fiq for terawih at kassim. double blow from disappointment.
i ended up going to ghufran instead.
so i shuld just tell someone i cant make it for something as early as i can........ shuldn't i?..

publishing something which i wrote yesterday... mcm berita harian.. haha

God, the most compassionate, most merciful...

2007-10-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

*my blog URL*

i've been confined, or rather my daily activities have been confined to the very bare minimum nowadays. can't do anything much about it though... cos there aren't so many things to be done this month except just a couple of very significant stuff... which i dont wanna preach about. cos one can be easily deamed as an ""ustaz"" just by trying thy best to fulfil his or her, but in this case his daily prayers. not to say that it's something worth being unhappy about, as it's not true.. and really not likely to happen... it's just that i can only safely say, godwill, that what i'm doing and have been trying to do.. i the basic necessity that we all have to do...? so i just play along... cos it doesn't hurt to do so. just a minor lash out to what i've been thinking about.

the last ten days of Ramadhan is upon us... just a couple more days... and we'll get closer to a magical night. those who noe what im talking about, acknowledge.. for those who don't,
*my blog URL*
now my situation is, i think, is in a post-dilemma stage. cos i noe what i have to for go and what i have to do. on a Monday just 5 days before Raye theres gonna be a, i think, quite significant training... at valhall. so that we can get accustomed to the flooring that's used for the polite tournament, that is, i keep saying, if i get selected. heh
i want to play... but it seems as though reality is chasing after this slow a** of mine.
well, i'll just have to see how won't i... tngk rezeki...
but oh well.......

i dont wanna sound whiny... cos i should be feeling grateful of what i already have... k i'll jus stop... alhamdulillah...

may the days to come be relunctantly smooth.......

abdominal exercise thru Terawih

2007-09-25T00:06:00.000+08:00

it was 1.45pm.
'oi, che! da pukol 2 tau... tak kerje eh nari?! i squinted at the wall clock. if the time was correct i would have been really out of a job. period. well it's not nice, to be late... and i dont really have the makings of an efficient worker- fast, customer-friendly, handles plastic bags easily.t he only thing i an hang on to is my maths... my ever so mind boggling maths. sometimes, i'm sure whether the total sum of a whole list of packet foods correct., u name it- mee siam, laksa, gado2, mee rebus, chee chiong fun, nasi briyani ayam, nasi briyani kambing and about a couple of thousands of permutation one an conjure up from the choices of kueh-mueh. (i'm not trying to advrtise here. heh) but sometimes... i somehow just approximate the total sum by the nearest nice value i can think of...
i was abiyt late for work. just 5 mins, thanks to the mrt. well, i cant blame anyone but myself can i..... work was okae. abit slow. but nevertheless taxing. had to rush home at 6.45pm. went to ask iris for the time which the next 15 was arriving.. cos 15 sucks. most of the time.mum told me to catch a cab. so thot it would be a win-win situation. either cab or fifteen. the idea of getting a cab slowly faded after 2 girls appeared in front of my eyes, a couple of metres away...flagging. so fifteen it was. so since iris said it was arriving, i just waited. on the bus... i depended on my sometimes effed-up earphones cos apparently having no antenna has its disadvantages-no radio. gratefully i had someone to beep when and if da bang. and so i had a very subtle yet filling break-fast on the bus... until the stupid driver jam-breaked. nothing really happened to me cos i was merely holding the plastic bag full of kuehs kakak farn gave...a man sitting jus a couple of seats in front of me, having sat a bag full of packet-soup items, i suppose mee soto and such, suddenly bent, knees down on the floor of the bus. a bag full of his food toppled, with the lids forced open due to the fall upon the jam-break. i could only empathise, as there wasnt anything i could have done at that moment of time. the front part ofthe bus was flooded by as certain kind of soupy gravy. i would definitely have been pissed, be it it was in the holy month or not. getting home i managed gobble up just a bowl of food until we took off to the mosque. the brief terawih prayers were just nice- fast yet full...or the other way around. just the way i like it.and that was the mere events that happened yesterday. internet was a spoiler. it still is...so i had to resort to notepad. for this entry of mine. today was almost as routine as it could ever be. a good thing is, we never fail to face enough challenges. man power is often a problem. we will live thru it. insya'allah.the kuehs at home are still are yet to be finished. and i'm gna get summore tomoro. hmmm well, to the rest of this month and to some gruelling hours of training and some hours of waiting before buke after that.....
peace out!

bulan Ramadhan

2007-09-17T00:31:00.000+08:00

stepping into the 5th day of the holiest month of my calendar... i've been trying to cope restricting the many pleasures of the mind, heart and body... (now dont go too far...)
while at work- serving warm kuehs, treats and relutantly cool *air katirah and suji to customers either planning or are ready to eat the food that they've just ordered.
while at training- hmm i didn't really get in, nor did i get the cut... so i'm sort of abit reluctant, sometimes, on going for the 3-times-a-week training. the timings are most of the time, odd. but ironically the most suitable timing for me, is in fact the worst timing for anyone who's fasting. 12-3. PM. meaning i can compromise with the time work starts and also, i have 4 gruelling hours till break fast. tried it. almost died. and that was on the first day... oh well, i should try and look on the slightly brighter than dim side of things for now. there would be others who would indeed kill to be in the position i'm in. so, alhamdulillah nonetheless.
besides the 3 major things which are happening in my life, right this instance, another factor that im totally in for is the magic of Terawih. though it may sometimes be abit taxing, when im tired.. it is what someone would say, therapeutic.
*i miss u*(full-stop)
i have yet to be able to explore the different mosques... the cause of which two main problems suffice...

1- i lost my keys... unlocking my bike which i overestimate. as taufiq says,'basikal bangla'. so i an't go around as much.. on bike.
2- not that its a problem, but i have to/want to follow, go with my family.. to the ever so wonderful, AIR-CONNED khadijah mosque.

well... it'll stay like this for sometime. a routine, maybe... but never boring...
so will be baq... soon. maybe. if there's any hick-ups in my already 'planned' life.. for this moment.

going anywhere, anyone?

2007-09-03T22:57:00.000+08:00

the holidays have arrived and naturally one would presume that the doors of opportunity to do nothing, absolutely nothing but slack is open. but by the looks of things i won't be able to even unwind in any context of my life... for now, i hope. i've started back work again. ..
nothing can compare to the smell of hot soy milk and malay kuehs filling up both ur nostrils and dawn tastebuds... besides the fact that tampines-people might be classified as something short of kiasu; taking their time to choose the desired packet-food, expecting nothing else but agility-opening, packing, and serving them as fast as possible. yes, i know that the customers' always right... but we must have that bit amount of patience.
it's bad enough the struggle for me to force my eyes open... compromising my beauty sleep, i have to wake up just before dawn. guess sacrifices have to be endured in order for fruits to be recovered. in other words, for money, those kachingz, to be made.

today was the first monday of my unofficial holidays, provided i don't have to take any supp papers... and this was how it went.

was a abit determined to, in the first place, wake up for work. so i called in a couple of trusted loved ones for help in summoning my formal self back from a place i call no-man's-land. i don't know why, but i am indeed a totally different person when i'm unconscious asleep. but to my delight, a soft, sweet voice reached out to me... through the small sony ericsson phone just beside my ear, my own phone.. she asked me whether i was awake. that just made me smile in the midst of the grogginess. and i woke up making my way to the loo.
work was unusually normal, came abit late. the freaking top-up machine ate up my ez-link as i thought of a quick add-on to the low-value i had. missed a train. and that remains a mystery to me.
after work, i met up with mum and help run an errand before i could finally meet Liyana.
had a wonderful time, without having to disguise her as any of my friends...it felt different. a good, guilty-free feeling all through-out the day. had a couple of disputes.. i must admit she can be a racist... though joking, still... if only i can challenge u with my hikmah'ed accent against ur hikmah-fied persona... ;p

went back home and helped abit with the never ending spring-clean of my house.
got to watch the story of budhia... a magnificent one i might add, about a lil' 4-yr old who loves running and can run a marathon... without even stopping... i pity him. while others his age just get occupied with stacks or ultraman he just wanders around his neighbourhood, running.......

working tomorrow.
with god will may i wake up tomorrow.

Happy Holidays everyone...!

1907

2007-09-01T14:51:00.000+08:00

haiz... no more 'free' MCs anymore...
nvm! shall ask parents for money if i get 'sick'.. haha

to be grateful i get the chance to even live, i am. and sometimes i feel as though im the luckiest Man alive.. hehe chey...

well thats a short one for ya...

the number two.

2007-08-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

2...

-the number i'm accidentally fated to be, in command, among my parents' troops, at home.

-the number that's in between 1 and 3.

-the number of papers i have left. (after tomorrow tinggal satu!!)

-the number it takes to tango or just clap.

-the number of times it takes for my mum to shou before i really get moving.

-the number of hours i barely got for sleep, just because of inverse Laplace.

-the number that represents the heavier side of things... (if u get what i mean)

-the number, which pronounciation extends to a multiple number of different languages.

-the number of minutes it takes for me to get restless, inside.

-the amount of time for me not to jot down these irrelevant things.

-the number that multiplies with BW to get the baud rate of a signal.

-the number of minutes it takes for me to log out of anything.... (it's not me... computer lagging beb)

well i really shuldnt be doing this. got bored not being able to even go through something that is already opened, for me.... at home.

may the rest of the exams be nothing short of knowledgable pleasure.

Turning eighteen

2007-08-25T19:06:00.000+08:00

what began as a mundane start of the exams turned out to be a very eventful one, yesterday...

24th of August.

A day, or rather date which will always linger in my mind, not leaving my heart.
there's this very fine line seperating the whole idea of a birthday. some relish the countdown upon which, in terms of n-years, we took our first breath in this oh-so-sinful world. some just treat it as a normal if not below-average day, like everyday. whether or not it is celebrated, it's totally up to the birthday boy or girl... or the friends that the person has... like a certain someone. hehe

one cannot imagine how my insides were constantly in fued. mind challenging the heart, eluded by the grumbles of my sometimes hungry stomach. At first it wasn't that easy, lying to her... but i just kept thinking about the outcome of it all, which she never thought of. with our minds constantly being voided by exams, my 'very-nonchalant' shrugs managed to deny her sense of things around her being oh so fishy. i'm sorry for lying to u... NOT! haha well, i felt abiyyt guilty along the flow of things... but i guess the end really justified the means huh?
having all ur close friends be there to acknowledge ur n-years' long existance with such glee.
chey, someone's 18 seyh!

well i'm glad thing turned out perfect for u on ur day... may Allah always be with u... in the many many times to come in ur life. (insya'allah)
it's said that dreams are meant to be lived... for u, may they all come true!

Happy Birthday Liyana Bte Karsadi!
though now it's considered beeelated.. ryt?
may peace be upon U. Always.

dooms day is coming. hope it's more later than soon.

2007-08-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

She'd say "hallll(with that tebal L)ooe" if not for that themepark wristband.

it's almost exactly one whole, wait, two whole weeks! since my ever so 'often' returns to this place i sometimes turn to. quite a remarkable lot has happened... all in two short weeks...! and in just two weeks will be holiday...
i'm just trying my best not to mention about the very dreaded. yes, Afiqah, it's gonna be exams... but i'm afraid i'm not stressed. YET! well, it's either that, of i'm being overwhelmed by pre-examination-stress stress... heh
hmm am sure planning to mug this whole study-veryshort-break-just before exams.. again, thats just a plan. in God's will will i do anything... haha reminds me of what action girl said, 'if we're meant to pass, we'll pass alright...!'
k, will stop going about mumbling of the you-know-whats... as if it was forbidden.
well, the short holiday to genting and KL filled me up with concauctions of feelings... i hate when that happens. i can't do anything right. period.
guilt was one main emotion which constantly voided me from having that tad minimum amount of joy... guilt of leaving my poor friends to attend to our, i repeat OUR micro-controller technology project which was due that very tuesday. fortunately it worked, barely, with minimum number of thing-e-ma-jig gadgets to run the program-codes by. i screwed up my individual quiz on programming though. and the pressure just keeps adding up- like an OR gate which will accept anything and everything which consists of a logic '1' to work.
random. i know. it was cold up there

some very mouth-watering treats!

...;]

in the car that we all almost fit in... it was a smoothe journey though.

the past week flew like there wasn't a tomorrow. with a quartet of projects mixed with assignments due passing up. time is no more on my side i'm afraid. it never seems to be.

i hope we'll have a delightful week ahead... even if u have a paper, which i noe u'll enjoy doing, just because it's ur Day... on ur birthday.

and my very own sweet-so-sour-timing doesn't help one bit.

now it's officially 2 weeks alright.
so i guess certain things are just meant to be operated weekly.
may all of U do well if not exceptional for the coming unoewats... may God be with u... always.
both of us dint know where to go. haha

will mention somethings soon about the fireworks display witnessed yesterday. when jeng3 happened...

and now................

All the best!

an everyweek thing?

2007-08-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

it's almost as if i enter this portal of escape just once a week. it's that feeling, u noe u feel like saying, jotting down and type something up... something special, or just that bit simple that happened to u. but something else will persist. this does sound like an excuse, doesn't it..? hmm oh well..

things have been going like a sinesoidal wave these few days... loads of things have happened, both with and without will. school have not been really stable for me to really notice. that's bad, right? just a couple of weeks to come before the dreaded... i can barely remember the things learnt in the last term. what more the things we're learning now? argh...
havebeenlovingthetimesspentwithU.
but it's always regretted that u have to be one of my close friends... just for us to go out. and i lie...
one day...
there will come a day.. just one, for me to tell everyone at home. and let there be no other questions or qualms... hopefully. hmm

here, beside me right now is my mct book. it's staring at me. somehow. it's really intimidating. sheesh... i gotto do something.

just now i followed abah go watch haseef play. he had a match. floorball.. against another team, tampines east knights. it was quite amazed, not that i doubt my oh-so-aggressive brother and his team, that a group of 14-year-olds managed to contain another group of adults in a 5-5 battle of sticks and ball. though they lost, it was an exciting game nevertheless!
so there went half my day...
so much for needing to study huh...

and tomoro's monday!
haiz... this coming week's really gonna be a quick one... by no time tomoro will go by... followed by a whole day at skool/MCT/training on tuesday... and i'll be off to a short trip to KL on weds. 4 days which i will not noe wat to expect.
tho i plan to bring and try my veryvery best to revise some textbooks....
hmmm till i get my rough hands on any computer keyboards...
peace be upon u. ALL of u.

another sunday has passed

2007-07-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

another sunday just went by... right in front of my eyes. it seems as though the saying truly takes up it's toll, time waits for no man...? just this week, loads have happened.
yesterday.. wait, on saturday there was a small or rather mini celebration at home.. it was kakak's birthday. it wasn't really big, just nice to keep it modestly joyful. the dining table went seoul garden-ish as we all sticked our forks and tongs and what nots to the subsetting-circular frying pan... it was seafood galore... with prawns turning peachy-orange before i can even say "artificial crab meat", fish ball n tofu fully submerged in tomyam... for those who just happen to be hungry while reading this, go and eat! haha
yea... it sure was a very 'pooh!' day for this irritatingly beloved cousin of mine. at the end of the night, her bed was covered by winnie! though i find it a bit freaky...
when u'r all alone in the middle of the night... something woke u up. u turn left and right in that confined area u call ur bed. u check ur phone to see the time, just to find out that the battery died. u'r suddenly awake. knowing ur bearings quickly in the pitch black surroundings. u gain mobility. standing up, u reach for the doorknob. suddenly u find urself on the parquet floor. face down...*the song*
something tripped u. frustration beckons. u decide to switch the ceiling lights on... only to find out that u were brought down by ur very own...
winnie the pooh bear!
haha that was anti-climatic... well, random-fever is very contagious.

nothing much a guy like me can do

2007-07-25T19:56:00.000+08:00

My mind's a mess. to type down certain things on the spot is not so easy for me. i think too much sometimes, about every god-forsaken thing!.. just just now i picked a fight with my brother.. all because of a mister potato cylinder of chips. well, i know it's not just because of that innocent little alluminium can. but he doesn't.
I should learn to be more forgiving.
it's not as easy... to fully forget and release whatever grudge one has upon that someone- a loved one or just a friend. in this world of misleading happenings, anything can happen. i find that the world's too mixed up and intertwined that just a small thing might cause a huge nuclear outcome... well, not so la. but still, what i know is that something is causing timings and plans to change, though not as bad ad the amplification of timing-errors in most ironic tv shows. i need not describe more about how something which could have turned out differently if something else were to have happened.
timing.
and mine sucks... almost everytime..? heh
well, one can only feel grateful of what's been given.. whether fate or coincidence.
no matter what we always think of, deep down we all know that only One is able to
make all this right, soon.
save us.
guide us along the difficult times...
this would probably be link-less... but who cares what's appropriate and what's not appropriate in this gateway of release, or whatever it's called. well, some do. oh well... nothing's like constructive criticism... i think.

things have not been so smoothe in school. Lecturers seem to be reciting lullabies as they explain how pi is not equal to 22 over 7.
exams are coming.
it's always like that. i mean, like this. i know i have to start now, with time still on my side, i think. but my efforts go through a propagation delay right till the eleventh hour.. hmm heard of study week??

and now, right as i'm blurting it out.. it's jengga-fever in my oh-so-tidy room.
till another time...
i really hope things pull through better, next time. cos i dunno what might be upon us in the times to come...
it's easy to leave it to Him, but effort is needed.. right?

i came across this... when things were so much simpler.

n ya went to cut yah's hair! skrang da mcm mushroom! well, it'll grow back ryyt? so i can go botak.. hahaha

mcm lepak gitu!

not talking about live earth.

2007-07-22T17:14:00.000+08:00

Nowadaes i can't help but notice the sudden continuous flux in weather changes. not that i'm a geography expert like someone kan... hmmm all i can say is that some are not enjoying themselves while some, me included, are just flowing with whichever direction the winds bring us upon. talking about going with the flow! i just try.
Just in the morning just now i heard a voice repeatedly saying, "bangun, bangun... danak pukul 7..." as per normal i can just, firstly- hear it, maybe reply whatever blabber that runs in my oh-so-dosy self, and go back to sleep.
only when one is persistent enough, can i be awaken.
it was Sufiya, quarter-frantically pushing my shoulder from her upstairs bed to wake me up.
soon i found myself walking in the not so dark channels of my own home at 6.45 in the morning. i didn't take note of the time then, strutted with gaze into the toilet.
after fulfilling the 'tak-payah-tau-s'... instinct just guided me to the window- where i tried hard to comprehend the balance of the time on my freskishly irritating clock and the colour of the skies outside. it was a s if i could see cats and dogs falling down the greyish-blue with a hint of white sky. nah, just exxagerations. but it was raining.
it was cold, and my eyes were just attracted to three things at that very moment of time:
the brother's queen-sized bed, a pillow and a nearby blanket.
with my phone in my hand, i just took my not so sweet time walking to my brother's room. it was just nice. cold, but cozy. perfect for sleep. And so i nonchalantly forgot about soccer. and it highlighted the very thing im good at- being late.
was supposed to meet them at 8.30. got there at nine. not so bad, yes.... but having 5 people coming.. and u're the one that planned it is not so nice. it was no use but i just said sorry.

k now i realise my story holds but a storyline.
see, thats why a 6 met with my bloodddy eng-ge-leesh!

hmm managed to catch some of the fireworks...

can't imagine a more perfect view of it... yet! haha naah... nothing in the world's perfect.

back to school

2007-07-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

Like when u're in a class of 40
Someone is standing in front,
just a couple of metres from the white board.
He is firm
this modest personality.
knows everything well enough
to make just the soundest of
decisions and appraisal.
but he

doesn't speak much,
just the necessary stuff,
the things needed to know
in the classroom.

among the 40 in the class
of course there are some
cliques and groups.
as friends u try
to make up for the mistakes
u've done.
as humans we tend
to keep away
from salvaging
the very thing we long for
peace.

sometimes
just one in the forty would try
to talk to this figure
whom he looks up to,
has great respect upon,

and admires
to open up to him,
his deep feelings and thoughts.

but there's always
this barrier
this invisible wall
this vacuum of space
blocking the tries this student makes.

hesitation persists
for this one
to just
put his hand up.

as he knows that
that person standing in front,
would welcome whatever it is
that has to be said
but he just needs help.
some cues to guide the timing.

welcome home Ya...

and the guitar strums its strings...

2007-07-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

sorry for the blog-going-gone-for-a-while...
no worries
just a minor blip
peacebeuponALLof u

the clock has wings.........

2007-07-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

2 months. two whole months of undescribable bliss. i just can't adore u enough......

well, u'd question my entry if i keep complimenting our time together, so i'll just keep it shorrrt and sweet...

managed to catch Transformers today... if i didn't have any background on the classic cartoon, i would have gotten lost when Optimus Prime told Sam Widwicky, great-grandson of Archibald Widwicky who discovered Megatron in the arctic circle during the 1930s, of how his own brother, Megatron was a leader of the Decepticons turned againts all autobots in their planet of Cybertron and plans to get the All-spark which got stranded to planet earth so that the Decepticons could control the whole universe.

bluegh... and oh yea... my apologies to those who havn't watched the movie and plan to. but it was your choice.... right?? haha

i'm suppose to be getting on with the 2 projects i have that are due soon... but i keep procrastinating, as my dad would say it, as i am unsure on how to really go about actually doing it. and one can also add that all that i'm saying right now is just an excuse for me for not to even trying. hmmmm

about my previous entry, i'd just like to add that i wasn't really myself. i dunno why. ;]
P.S- u can call me anything u want... it is just whether i respond to it, that is the difference.....

my name is Fifi!!!!

2007-06-29T22:46:00.000+08:00

Muhammad Syafi Bin Salim
That is my freaking name.
Please remember it..... hahahahaha
Or you can call me Fifi or Syasya!!!
It will be fine by me!

Ok lame.. i know. I'm such a lame person. Pls don't mind me.

So basically today is like any other fridays but i wore red today and i look exceptionally hot. Like seriously lah!!! I couldn't even resist myself. Look at how vein i am. Hehe Oh gosh do i type like a girl now??

So i guess in 2 days time will be our 2nd annivesary... I wonder if she remembers it? Cause it seems like she's keeping quiet about it. I don't know what i should do cause we kinda forgot about our first month. Yeah, that is how forgetful we are. But she has nothing planned on that day i presume. So as a guy, i should do something surprising for her right?? Yeah i think i should.... Like what Marilyn Monroe say, "if you can make a girl laugh,you can make her do anything."

So my family is going to Malaysia for 3 days. Home alone again.... I should really clean the house. Its kinda messy and i've yet to find her dvd that she lended to me like 3 months ago.. Oops?!

.
.
.
.
.
.

This post has been fabricated!!!!!!!! haha